I’ve been busy working on edits for my Young Adult GLBT novel, Heavyweight, and I am falling in love with the story all over again. For me to be so excited over the edits goes to show how important this book is to me and how much I want to get it out there to share with everyone. I figured I’d take today to share a little more. Hope you enjoy it!
Fishing in my pocket I dig out my wallet to check funds. Because of my intense practice schedule, I can’t have a job during the school year, but I do some construction type work over the summer and then try to ration out the money to stretch throughout the school year. It doesn’t allow me to spend much, but thankfully I don’t have a lot of free time to hang out, blowing money.
“We can cover you.” Julian’s voice startles me from my thoughts. I wave him off.
“Nah, I’m good. But thanks.”
“Really, it’s not a big deal. Our dad allotted for an insanely big weekly allowance.”
“Jules,” Mei-Li puts a hand on her brother’s arm. He looks at her.
“What? I can’t afford to pay?” Mei-Li gives him a look I can’t quite interpret. I don’t want them to think I’m some bum trying to scrounge money off of them. I decide to make a joke of the whole thing.
“What, is this suddenly a date or something?” I ask, smirking.
When Jules turns his head slowly to look at me, a wide smile spreading across his face, I regret my choice of words. What was I thinking, egging him on? What if he takes it wrong and spreads it around school that I flirted with him?! Why am I trying to sabotage myself? I’m ready to dash out of the diner when he finally speaks.
“It could be….especially after seeing you in that singlet today.” My head snaps up in time to see him bite on his lip ring, sucking it into his mouth. Woah. Who knew piercings could be so…erotic? I shift in my seat, utterly aware of how my body is now reacting to this conversation. Julian sees the movement and I spy an evil glint in his eye. He knows what he’s doing.
“I never knew wrestling was such a…sexy sport. All that sweating and touching. Maybe I should join the team. We could…wrestle together.”
Holy shit. I think my heart just stopped. I can’t seem to bring air into my lungs. Is he being serious or just playing along? Mei-Li is rolling her eyes at our conversation. That doesn’t help me know whether it’s a joke or not. Good God! Do I call him out on it? No! No I couldn’t possibly. What to do? What to do?
“Sadly, that wouldn’t be possible. We’d be in different weight classes,” I finally reply, still utterly unsure of what to make of this conversation.
He pouts. My God, those lips. Get a grip, Ian!! I’m going to have to dump the glass of ice water the waitress just gave us down my pants.
“Well, you could help me practice the holds, couldn’t you?”
Wait, what? I’ll practice whatever you want if you’re being serious. “I…guess?”
He smirks. “We shall see then.” Picking up his menu, he winks at me – freakin’ winks!- and then hides behind the giant plastic covered paper presumably deciding what to eat.
I drop my own menu and slid out of the booth. Upon standing, both my companions peer over their menus.
“Bathroom,” is all I say hurrying to turn away from them. I’m dying to adjust myself, but I’m certainly not doing that where either of them can see.
Once inside I throw on the cold tap and splash my face, hoping it’ll cool down the rest of my body. I leave the water running as I lean back against the wall of a stall, eyes closed. A quick readjustment makes my pants fit a little better. But only a little.
Is this reaction natural? Is this how Maggie felt when I smiled at her? I mean, minus the boner of course. If so, I can get why she was so upset when we broke up. I guess I just didn’t really understand that kind of connection. Sure I’ve had crushes on actors and maybe a cute classmate or two, but it’s never been like this. Could this feeling be…love?
No, it couldn’t possibly be.
Lust, maybe? That makes you all shaky and sweaty and wanting to jump someone when they just smile at you, right? How do I stop this from happening? Keep him mad at me? Avoid him? Confess? My head whips back and forth at that thought. I can’t do that. What if I’m totally off the mark and he’s straight? There’s no way he’d keep my secret under wraps and then there goes my whole life. My whole future. Why does he have to toy with me like he does?
My eyes fly open. So lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t hear him come in. Julian is standing in front of me, the door slowly closing behind him. He eyes the still running tap before looking back at me.
I fumble to shut the water off. “Yeah, fine. Just a little shaky. Probably need to eat.” Wiping my hands on my jeans, I move to walk past him and leave the suddenly shrinking room. He catches my arm before get too far.
“I hope I didn’t upset you…joking around before. That wasn’t my intention.” There’s a sharp pain in my chest upon hearing the word joking. My free arm rises to rub the smarting spot.
“You didn’t. No worries.” He lets go, looking a bit let down before the expression is gone, replaced with a small smile.
“The waitress came by to take our order. She said she’d come back for yours.”
“Oh…okay. I better go then…”
Throwing the door open, I hurry out before I can turn around and ask him why he had looked so disappointed.